Wackyfish

When we last left our brave hero, she was headed out of town to the beautiful yet remote village of Siufaga, because her Samoan family invited her. It was not an invitation she could turn down (culturally speaking anyway). Her adventure began with a bus ride.

(This is where I stop talking in the third person because while it is a wee bit funny and makes me feel like a comic book hero, it is more annoying to both me the writer and I’m sure as the reader you don’t appreciate it much either.)

Ok so my adventure began with the bus ride. I love riding Samoan busses. No sarcasm! I really do find them a lot of fun most of the time. It is a great way to observe Samoan people and culture and usually they are extra nice to the Palagie. I have met some incredible Samoans on the busses.

My training village is in the district of Falelatai (fall-lay-la-tie) which is at the end of a road on the other side of the island and the bus ride is about 2 hours long when headed from Apia to Siufaga. It is only 1:20 min from Siufaga to Apia. The difference is a 20 min stop about half way at a market, but I have no idea where the other 20 min goes. Maybe they just drive slower when they are leaving the city.

Anyway, I left my house for the fist bus from Viavase- Uta (where I live) to the main bus depot in town. My house is a little ways up a side road and I had just left my driveway when I saw the bus drive by out on the main road. “Oh well, I guess it will be a while” I thought to myself. But the bus driver must have seen me because not only did he stop his bus, but also he backed it up and waited for me as I jogged to meet him. “What great bus, Karma I must have today” I thought. We pulled into the main bus depot where I would catch my next bus just in time for me to get on the Falelatai bus before it drove away. Another clue that my bus karma was in the positive.

It being the day before a major holiday the Falelatai bus was completely packed. A packed bus means that a small bench meant to sit two often has four. Two people on the seat, two people on their laps. (The only people excluded from this are the very elderly). And since I was the last one on the bus it meant a lap for me. (Women are not really allowed to stand). For some reason I couldn’t decipher at the time there was a young sole (So-lay, means: young unmarried man) sitting directly behind the bus driver with no one on his lap. The front of the bus is a choice spot. Usually young men are at the bottom of the bus seating pecking order, and therefore resigned to the back of the bus. So I was a bit surprised but not unwilling to take his lap. He seems to be very polite at first. He didn’t get cheeky or try to put his hands places I don’t want them. As we leave town I was convinced that in a past life I must have been a bus saint.

Then he begins to burp. And not just any burp. The kind that smells like he drank way to much Villiama (the local beer) and may now be sick, kind of burp. At one point he even says to me “I’m sorry, drank too much”. I was beginning to grow concerned that maybe, my bus karma was not nearly as good as I had expected. He then starts to fall asleep and drool on me. I put a lava lava on my shoulder where he is resting and pretended it was not happening (in a bus this crowded there is not a lot you can really do, unless you are willing to just get off, which I wasn’t.) While this repulsed me it was yet to get worse. Eventually he woke up a little (usually following bumps in the kind of road) and then the burping came back. Followed shortly by the vomiting. Yes you heard me right he vomited while I was sitting on his lap. He had the sense to aim into his own shirt so I didn’t get any one me. But I did get up right away. I was going to stand if I had to. (Which again is kind of culturally inappropriate, but eeeeewwww vomit!) Some poor soul took pitty on me and got up to stand giving me his seat, and his daughter for my lap. The rest of the trip was long and hot and uncomfortable. By the time I got to my village, I was ready for a shower (make that three showers) and a nap. Which my family who was thrilled to see me was happy to oblige me, once I had eaten. So I showered, ate, napped and then had a nice swim with my sisters.

Horrific bus ride over and composure re-gained it was time to break out the UNO. My parents had sent a deck for me in there Christmas package. (Which by the way RULED! I got several books, one of which is Al Franken’s new book I have wanted to read, some silly putty, my power transformer I left at home and a bunch of card games. UNO included) My Samoan brothers were all in town and having very little in common with young Samoan fishermen I figured UNO would be a good way to have fun with them (That and I know my numbers and colors in fa’asamoa, so I figured I could explain it ok). At first there was very little interest. So I started by teaching my mother. I have found that Samoan women have a lot more curiosity than men in general. That or they are just nosier. My mother caught on quickly and was able to win after two games. Once she won, my sisters came to play. Every time a draw two, skip, or draw four was handed out the fale (house) would erupt with laughter. And the boys soon came running to see what we were doing. 10 pm came around and I was supposed to go to midnight mass with my father. Instead I claimed to be tired and stayed home to dish out a hurting to my brothers. (The truth is that they kicked my ass, but as I brought the game I am reluctant to admit it.) We stayed up late into the night and had a great time. I am super thankful to have had a nice distraction from the goings on at my grandmothers house at home that I was missing. I love chirstmas eve at home, and this is the first year of whole life I have missed it. Needless to say I have been a bit homesick.

Christmas day I slept late. Samoan’s don’t really understand sleeping late. They get up at the crack of dawn by choice. (They also take multiple naps throughout the day). Anyway I slept until 8 ish and then stayed in bed reading until 10. (Reading is also not very common and rather misunderstood by Samoans. They are a culture of oral learners so reading is just crazy to them, but more on that in a later post.) Once I got up, showered and dressed the fun began. My father and brothers were all waiting for me to crack open the niu voka (we mixed it with Coke-a-cola). Essentially this is a local home brew/moonshine made from coconut juice called niu (new). The next few hours were filled with eating, drinking, drunken siva (see-va : dancing, and yes I have pictures!), drunken uno, long drunken speeches about how much they love me and how much I love them, and of course a LOT of laughter. We started about 10:30 in the morning and partied until my mother and sister put me to bed around 3pm. My brothers were all fine. The moral of this story is… never think you can keep up with your Samoan brothers. You can’t, don’t try, it will hurt a lot. At least I had a great time.

Monique came and woke me up around 7pm, and my mother attempted to make me eat. I just laughed at her. Then I had to get ready (still drunk at this point) and go to visit Netta (Lina, a trainee and friend who left, asked me to visit her sister, and I said I would), and then go to the Christmas program at the catholic church, were the Pisikoa (that is fa’asamoa for Peace Corps if you couldn’t guess) were to be the guests of honor. Uggg… it was a long program, and in the middle the most adorable fat baby was put onto my lap to hold (I think it may have been some sort of subliminal message thing sincec they have difficulties with the fact that I am 28 and healthy, but not married and have no children, I am asked about it constantly). Which would have been fine, since he was cute and soft and cuddly, but he was also squirmy and not helping my upset tummy. Eventually they let me off the hook and I went home to bed early (and by early I mean, before 10).

Friday (today as I write this) my sisters Mary and Lotu have come back to Apia with me to stay the night at my new house. I have promised Lotu we would go see the Rock movie, Welcome to the Jungle and get an ice cream at Mc Donald’s tonight. She is standing here looking over my shoulder as if not leaving right now is causing her physical pain so I guess I should go do that. Or maybe I could stall an extra second…. Hehehehehe.

Ok, I hope everyone else Christmas was as good.