Wackyfish

There are some things that I don’t remember very well. I am thought of by many of my friends as “scatterbrained”. Which is fine with me. I have sort of come to embrace that part of me in fact. In order to make sure my life moves on with minimal inconvenience from this affliction I long ago developed lots of small routines the would help me move through the daily in’s and outs of life, without have to remember important things.
For instance, I walk in the door, and put my keys in the same place all the time. I don’t even think about this… at this point my muscles remember what to do and perform their task without the assistance of my head. I never have to spend a panicked morning (anymore) looking for my keys because… they are always in the same place. I have hundreds of routines like this. I know it may be a contrived state of peace, but it makes for a more peaceful life on the whole so I guess I don’t mind so much.
When my routines are interrupted and I have to come face to face with my own limitations… I find I suffer greatly. I suffer from inconvenience and anxiety first, and then disappointment in myself, secondly. I am better than I used to be about not beating myself up so much for my failings. But still not completely there.
Anyway, bear with me there is a point to this….
So currently, my routines are being disrupted. I have started to sort through my things, so stuff is not in it’s normal places. I have a million little things to remember to do and go and accomplish and schedule before I leave. I can’t remember a million little things… I simply can not. I can remember big things… several big things… and even many little things…. But not everything that is going on right now….
So things are going to fall through the cracks. I am going to make promises and forget to follow through (actually I am trying real hard right now NOT to make any promises at all, for this reason specifically but… still). I am never going to do it on purpose but it will happen. I wish I was more together than I am… but this is me.
I will do what I can, and after that, oh well. I no longer hold any illusions that I am super woman.
And that is just going to have to be good enough.