Wackyfish

This afternoon I was driving from my sisters house to my parents house, and I was suddenly randomly struck with a powerful bought of homesickness for Samoa.
Suddenly I missed my big goofy friend Jona, and my crazy dog Mia, and my wonderful auntie Pisa, and my difficult boss at EPC, and the weather (which should be amazing right about now), and Vailima, and my sweet little house that was falling down around me, and all of my PC friends and our way of life. It was insanely powerful.
Whenever those moments come I have to wonder, “Why now?”
I have a really charmed life. Max and I are living this crazy “young and fancy free” life. We have just enough responsibility to live on but not enough to tie us down. We have a great dog and amazingly supportive family. I have work I like, and I get to be back in school. So why haven’t these bouts of sadness and longing for a place that will never be the same for me again, gone away?
At this point if I had to guess I would guess it had a lot more to do with the social aspect of my life. Samoa was a very small place. I had a lot of local friends whom I could drop in on (or who often dropped in on me) to share a beer, or lunch, or just pass a few hours kafauing on the third floor balcony of the Pacifika Inn. Here I have Max and I have my sister and the rest of my family. But I don’t have many friends close by. Most of my friends are down in the south bay and due to time and distance it is difficult to get down to see them much, and they don’t often venture into my neck of the woods. I would guess that my sadness comes from a lack of feeling connected to the people around me. In Samoa I was very connected. Not just to my “friends”, because technically in Samoa everyone was my friend. The elevator guy in my building, the bus driver, and all the ladies at the café were my “aunties”.
Here I am surrounded by people, in school, at client’s homes, and even at my café here. But none of it feels “friendly” in the same way. I think at first I had hoped that was just a function of time. Once I had hung around enough people would get used to me and it would get better. But I’m not sure that is true. We’ll see.
I am not sure what I am going to do about this. I clearly lack a daily social life. Max and my sister (wonderful tho they are) are not enough to make a well rounded social experience. Which would mean making some friends who are closer to me geographically, and that I shared some current interests with. Co-workers or other students for instance. I could join a few of the clubs at school. Maybe the Pacific Islander club and see if I could meet some local Samoans, maybe wiggle myself and invite to To’onai one of these Sundays. Or I could just keep in touch with some of my classmates who have expressed an interest in friendship. I made a few friends last semester but I am so much older than most of my peers that it feels… awkward. I need to remember that many of my PC friends were younger and I love them.
Deep down this whole thing reeks of a lack of connection to “community”, whatever that is.
I know I had it. That connection. And that I don’t now. And I am not sure how to go about getting it back. Gah… I am open to wise (and silly) opinions if anyone has any.