I can’t seem to get well.
I woke up last night at about 3am with a cough and a sore throat. This morning my glands are all swollen again. I think Karma may be attempting to teach me a lesson. That lesson being that I really need to slow down and take better care of myself. Which of course I am resistant to do. I get bored.
I am developing a plan to force myself to rest. (This is not a solicitation for advice.) I will let you know how it goes.
In other news I really should go to Falelatai this weekend and see my Aiga Samoa. But doubt I will. I know they will want me to come and spend Easter weekend with them. We have a four-day weekend and I intend to stay home and paint my bathroom that weekend. It is the last of the painting I intend to do for a while.
I don’t have a lot of adventure stories to write these days.
I have been (and am still sort of) sick. I have lots of caring friends in my life that keep me busy and make me feel like a princess. And I am working hard on my project, much harder than I was working before I left for Samoa in fact.
Yesterday I did this crazy uber-walk thing. It was mostly a reaction to doing nothing all morning and then come 3 pm ish finding myself unable to sit still.
My life is charmed, but not terribly exciting lately.
I am going to stop complaining about my health for a min.
My project is going great.
We are a week behind, which is partially my fault for being sick, but it’s not to bad. We can still catch up. Everyone is really excited about the project and wants to rush ahead. I made several HUGE strides forward this week. The Engineering department is on board and going to take over one huge part of the process. The process documentation is well on its way to being finished updated. The forms are being designed and the budget has been set (but not yet approved).
So while it’s been a short week, it’s been really productive. Good project mojo.
In other news (here is where I go back to complaining about being sick)…
Mo wants me to go out with her tonight and have a few drinks. I think, she thinks it will help my current state of ennui. I would rather stay home and be grumpy and feel sorry for my poor sick self. She promised to call me around 6:30 and give me a pep talk… I’ll let you know what happens.
My throat still hurts.
My glands are still swollen.
My left foot is sore and blistered (I walked home yesterday and probably shouldn’t have). And now….
I have a new and interesting… no wait, I mean annoying…rash. It is mostly on the fleshy part of my hands just below the thumb and my wrists. Oh and one small spot on my right calf. I can’t wear my watch because it irritates the rash. It started on Tuesday will lots of small bumps but I hit it real fast with hydrocortisone crème and the bumps seem to have gone away. Now they are just icky itchy patches. Itchy patches that may be spreading to my fingers.
It has been really humid here lately (yes more so than usual) so it may be some sort of fungus spore thing. They don’t have poison ivy in town so I doubt it is that (although that is sure what it feels like). Our Angel of Mercy... I mean Medical Officer is in Washington DC for a conference right now so I can’t go to her for help.
I feel like I have been sick (or at least under the weather) for the past month. I am tired of it. It seems like; even before I can heal myself from one ailment another one pops up. I recognize that this *may * be party my fault for not actually taking the week off and staying in bed. But if I had to be bored at home any longer I would go crazy which would be worse than being sick and whiney. And after all this is my journal and I can whine about being sick here all I want. So bring me some cheese to go with my whine, because for now I don’t intend to stop!
I remember asking Andrew (an RPVC who served in Cameroon) what the worst part about the Peace Corps was. He said, being sick the whole time. I distinctly remember thinking, “How bad can that be?” I was an idiot.
My throat still hurts.
If I yawn, it’s torture. But I am back at work anyway and there is no place I would rather be.
I woke up this morning and it was gray and rainy. The perfect day to stay home curled up with a book. But the though of one more day alone at home seemed unbearable. I missed the coffee club. I missed Pisa and the boys. I missed all of the other ladies and gentlemen in my office. I even missed my boss.
I had decided last night that the time to indulge my illness and stay home and rest was over. Today I was coming in no matter how I felt. When I woke up at 6am, to take my antibiotic I was full of excitement. I was excited about getting up and ready. I was excited about the trip to work with my neighbor and his kids. I was excited about see the ladies at the coffee shop. And more than anything I was excited about going and doing some actual work. This may be the first time in my life that I am actually excited about a job.
I live in paradise. I love the people I work with. I love my job. The only part of this I don’t love is being sick.
Our Med officer put me on antibiotics. Since I began taking them I have had the most wacked out dreams.
Last night I was swimming in the Viataele (freshwater pool) in my training village when a bunch of soles (young unmarried men) showed up and stared practicing a water ballet routine.
It was weird and all I could think when I woke up was that I had better take my temperature and get some panadol in me because my fever must be pretty high.
The night before (Sunday) I dreamed I had little green Shrek ears on my head.
This morning I was feeling a little better and I will probably go back to work tomorrow. Mostly because I am bored and I have lots to do at work. I never was any good at being sick.
Oh, but in other exciting news. Mom and Dad have bought their plane tickets to come and visit. They are going to be here for four weeks. There visit is 10 weeks away. I am so excited I am counting the days.
I have streep throat.
It is no fun.
It hurts like hell, and it is going to push my project at work back a few days. (Since who knows when I will be able to go back to work.)
My lucky streak of good health seems to be over since this is the second time it less than a month I have been ill.
I had heard rumor of volunteers who had been sick the whole time. In fact I know a few here who seem to be forever ill. Until recently I had managed to stay healthy so I figured I must just have a stronger system then them. Nope, now I’m sick as a dog.
In my previous life (the one that happened in Silicon Valley) I had presented to BOD’s (Board of directors) several times. Put on the suit, talk to the bosses, be professional and try and get them to spend money on whatever project it is you are proposing. I’d never been nervous like I am today.
Today (in a few min in fact) Savea will give my presentation (In FaaSamoa) to the BOD and upper management to get them to approve the first module of my project. If they approve it, then the clock starts ticking on my project. According to the schedule we set, I have about a month and half to deploy, and test software and then train users. We “Go live” at the beginning of May. This is the project I came to Samoa to do. It is the main part of my assignment with EPC. So naturally this is a big deal to me.
It feels a lot like a skydive.
I know that the worst part about sky diving is the “ride up”. Once you actually jump, the world is a beautiful place. This is the same I imagine. Once we get approval, life will get busy, I will get my work done and in May I should land nicely on the ground, finishing up the first part of this project.
But right now I have butterflies in my tummy.
Wish me luck.
Yesterday we lost about half the power generated by the power company.
Of course the load remained the same so there was simply not enough power.
To manage this we had the Samoa version of Rolling Blackouts.
Having lived through them in Silicon Valley in 2001, I was familiar with the inconvenience they are. Only here there was no warning here, just cut off. I am happy to report that we at EPC headquarters were subject to the same power cuts as everyone else. (No we don’t have a backup generator)
Yesterday when it went off at just after 11, Mo called me and asked if I could do anything about her power. I said no but I would let her buy me lunch.
I work with computers… the power was out… I was dead in the water… might as well go have lunch. Which is a very Samoa way of seeing things. I think I become more and more native every day.
My study of the Samoan language has only minimally progressed since training. My grammar is worse, much worse. But my vocabulary is broader.
For instance Today I learned
“Puta tele Pepelo” which translates loosely to Big fat liar. This is what you get folks when you learn most of your language from the gossip sessions with the sassy ladies at the coffee club.
I have marked one level of progress in that now I can tell were one word ends and another begins. Before it all sounded like a bunch of words run together. But now even if I don’t know what the words mean, I can now differentiate when one word begins and the next ends. So that is progress of some sort right.
I’m not sure if it is just FaaSamoa or all languages, but it seems that my ear has had to be trained to hear it. At first it all sounded mumbled and incoherent. Now I feel like I can at least hear it, so that is a good step in the right direction towards actually understanding it. And maybe someday actually speaking FaaSamoa with some sort of proficiency.
On Saturday I went to the first class (of three) for a Red Cross First Aide/CPR certification. I am already certified but you have to renew it every two years and mine runs out in July. So when The PC offered to pay for all of that wanted to, to be certified I figured why not?
The class was taught by a Samoan woman who was a practicing nurse in San Diego for 25 years before she returned to Samoa. Samoa has it’s own form of tradition medicine. “Fou Fou” (pronounced: ff-long o, ff long o) typically means massage but is also used as a common word for: Cure. The instructor told us that most Samoa Fou fou (cures) were just old wives tales and she didn’t believe in any of them.
Then the section of the lesson on Choking came up and she told us of the one Fou fou she knows will work, and why. According to traditional Samoa fou fou, when choking a person must put a fish bone on there head, turn to face the sea, and hold their arms out to the side if they can. She says this works for several good reasons. First of all the fish bone on your head require you to hold your head up to balance it and therefore put your airways in perfect alignment. Facing the sea requires standing. Arms out opens the chest. And most importantly thinking about keeping the fish bone balanced on your head takes you mind off of your throat and it can work on doing what our bodies already know how to do, clear our own airways. (Please note: this only works for “partial blockage choking”)
I can see how this makes a lot of sense. Maybe those old wives tales were on to something. Are they hookie, and do they sound ridiculous? Yes of course they do. But maybe focusing on the ridiculous and letting our bodies do what they already know how to do is the point.
Soooo I had this long conversation the other day with another volunteer about Bukowski. She was telling me about how she hates “the beats” because they were all very sexist and offensive when it comes to women. And I can’t really disagree with that. They ARE offensive and often their attitudes towards women are archaic instead of enlightened. Look at Keroack, his characters usually viewed women as physically useful and that is about it. The characters resented women for not being attracted to him and resented their interference with his friendships with other men. I think Bukowski is just as bad. He is cranky and rude and completely pathetic when it comes to the opposite sex.
But still I love him and this is why. He is unapologetically himself. Chuck is gritty and dirty and nasty and bottom of the bucket and he isn’t afraid to let you see it. He uses his base qualities for their shock value I think. He is rude and he takes advantage of women, and sometimes they get back at him and he is humiliated and he is unafraid to let you see that as well. I think baring your faults to the world is really brave. And he wears it all with an air like he couldn’t care less what you or anyone think of him. Like the villain, he loves to be hated and yet sympathized with at the same time. Who doesn’t love a good villain? And whenever I want to feel depressed or grumpy or cranky or just better about myself I can usually find some Bukowski to do the trick. And after that I leave you with one more, proving he is unafraid to be disliked..
I like your books
In the betting line the other day
man behind me asked,
"are you Henry
Chinaski?"
"uh huh," I answered.
"I like your books," he went on.
"thanks," I answered.
"who do you like in this race?" he asked.
"uh uh," I answered.
"I like the 4 horse," he told me.
I made my bet and went back to my seat....
the next race I am standing in line and here is this same man
standing behind me again.
there are at least 50 lines at the windows but
he has to find mine again.
"I think this race favors the closers," he said to the back of
my neck. "the track looks heavy."
"listen," I said, not looking around, "it's the kiss of death to
talk about horses at the track..."
"what kind of rule is that?" he asked. "God doesn't make rules..."
I turned around and looked at him: "maybe not, but I do."
after the next race I got in line, glanced behind me:
he was not there:
lost another reader.
I lose 2 or 3 each week.
fine.
let 'em go back to Kafka.
I really do love many things about my job. I love the people I work with. I am excited about the project. I work in a nice location. And I have all kinds of support from my company.
Today however I was working on our main Admin’s computer, which allowed me the chance to stare out the window at the beautiful day going on outside in the harbor.
The weather is perfect, the water is blue and pan is tugging at me once again saying.. Why are you wasting your time inside.
In honor of pan I am now off for a lunch time walk.
Have a great afternoon everyone.
It looked closer and bigger than any moon I have ever seen. It glowed with a beautiful golden hue as dark foreboding clouds would partially eclipse it, adding a spooky sense of mystery.
As I rode in the back of the taxi on the way home from Mo’s house it held me captive for a while. It is times like then that I think this is my own Isle of Avalon.
I was at Mo’s house last night because she seems to have acquired my illness of last week and my guilt at infecting my friend compelled me to bring her a movie, grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. She was sick and therefore extra silly and we had a lovely time talking, I tried to teach her to waltz, I serenaded her with Billie, and eventually we the discussion came around to spirituality. It was a discussion I had really needed to have. In all the chaos of packing up my life, living out of a suitcase for three months and then getting re-settled I had neglected my sprit and now I am much happier that I have returned to paying some sort of attention to it.
And now… In honor of our recent illness and my renewed spirit I bring you some Bukowski (I know I know, I shouldn’t be reading any more Bukowski but he is like crack to me… I can’t help it.)
having the flu and with nothing else to do
-Charles Bukowski
I read a book about John Dos Passos and according to
the book once radical-communist
John ended up in the Hollywood Hills living off investments
and reading the Wall Street Journal
this seems to happen all too often.
what hardly ever happens is
a man going from being a young conservative to becoming an
old wild-ass radical
however:
young conservatives always seem to become old
conservatives.
it's a kind of lifelong mental vapor-lock.
but when a young radical ends up an
old radical
the critics
and the conservatives
treat him as if he escaped from a mental
institution.
such is our politics and you can have it
all.
keep it.
sail it up your
ass.
Some of the other volunteers found salsa for sale at MD’s for like 3 tala. There were several jars of it sitting out at the office along with corn ships. (I had just been talking to another friend today about corn chips and salsa and how much I miss it ). I sat down and started talking with the others and managed to eat about half a jar of salsa.
Here is were I add that MD’s is the super fancy Palagie store that none of us can afford to shop at. That is accept when they put things on sale because the product has expired.
I just ate half a jar of expired salsa. (I tasted fine…good even!)
My tummy hates me.
In my wonderful package yesterday I got a yoga matt! I really needed a yoga matt! The sticky kind because my floor is slippery and my downward dog has been suffering. And yesterday I got one! I am overjoyed.
This weekend I tried a new yoga routine that is much more challenging than the one I usually do. It felt good to push myself, but I really needed a good matt and some blocks to really get it right. Having the matt I figured I needed to get some blocks, stat.
Now the chances of me finding actual foam yoga blocks in Samoa are about as good as finding…a good Mexican food restaurant (there aren’t any much less a good one). So I figured the next best thing was going to be to try a lumber store and see if I could just make my own.
I hit Blue Bird Lumber first. I figured since they actually have the word “Lumber” in their name it would be a good bet. But no love there, they would only sell lumber in 20 feet lengths and they wouldn’t cut it for me. The sales guy was nice enough to point me to Ace Hardware. Ace here is great! They sold me all my paint stuff and were just so nice and helpful.
So when I walked in and asked their lumber manager if he could sell me 6 pieces of 2x6x12 lumber and he didn’t flinch I knew I was at the right place. He totaled up the cost, wrote me a receipt and sent me to the cash register while he got his guys to find me some lumber. I came back after paying my 18 tala and two buff Samoan guys were outside the office cutting my timber with a hand saw. I asked the manager “Oh you don’t have an electric saw?” he said “No, just tama Samoa ”.
“Thank you so much for cutting the wood for me! Faafatai Lava!” I responded.
“What do you need 6, one foot pieces of 2x6 for?” he asked me.
I stood and thought for a second about how to explain that I was going to make yoga blocks out of them… and then answered “For my work.” He seemed satisfied with that.
If any Samoan woman (or man really) had walked into the lumber yard in a formal pulotasi (what I wear to work everyday), big floppy hat and asked for 6 one foot long pieces of 2x6 they would have laughed there head off and thought she was crazy.
Being Palagie I think they just shrugged there shoulders and figured that like the rest of the Palagie in the country, I must just be nuts.
Have I mentioned that I love living abroad.
Last week I was sick. Real sick. I was running a high fever and I was achy all over. Thursday Pisa sent me home from work in the middle of the day and I slept for about 14 hours. Friday I didn’t even bother coming in to work. I just slept a whole bunch more. I went to the PC office about 3pm to see the medical officer and found a pleasant surprise in my mailbox. I had not one but TWO packages slips waiting for me at the post office. At that point the PO was closed already and they would have to wait until Monday.
I had a constant stream of company at the house this weekend. We saw several good movies, ate lots of good food, and had many long and interesting conversations. All sorts of different people came over and I found the company of everyone who visited fun and pleasant. I think my house is well on it’s way to becoming a gathering place. It still needs a name tho.
This morning I rushed over to the post office and picked up my packages.
My Christmas present from Nonnie came! It took a long time but now. YAY TOAST! (I may have to eat nothing but fancy toast for the next week I am so excited!)
Thank you girly!
The other package was from two fabulous ladies, Angie and Jess! This was the uber package. It had a yoga mat, an exercise ball, miso paste, pretty girl things, bags, toys and all sorts of fun things (all individually wrapped of course)! I am going to have a great time unpacking and playing with it tonight! Thank you ladies! It was wonderful!
Just think, toys and toast this evening. Weeeee!
This week does not look as busy as last week which is nice since I attribute my illness to increased levels of chaos in my life. Hopefully this week will be nice and slow and peaceful. Accept for the netball game of course. I plan to kick ass and take names then.
I went over to Mo’s house last night for dinner. She had made a huge Mexican feast! It stated with corn chips (which she must have spent a fortune on) and fresh made salsa. I had taken simple chips and salsa for granted at home. The main course was fresh tuna enchiladas. They were AMAZING! OMG they were amazing.
She made all the Mexican food fixings. We had refried beans with Cheese, rice, Mexican corn, guacamole, and sour crème (another thing she must have spent and arm and a leg on).
And since I love Mexican food, I was in heaven.
I ate so much last night I may not need to eat for a few days.
Food is a big deal for us here. Good diverse food is one of the two things I miss most about home. (The other is my family and friends). I have had some crazy food conversations with other volunteers, where we re-live great meals at our favorite restaurants. So to have an excellent Mexican meal in Samoa…. Oh the satisfaction.
The Netball game got moved to Thursday. I was bummed because I was so pumped up for it. Instead I went home and saw Underworld, which I found to be wonderfully cheesy. And then I headed out to a goodbye shin dig for a volunteer from group 68 that I adore! I will miss her. A good time was had and too much Vailima was drank (by me anyway).
I spent the morning in meetings. I love meetings (this statement is dripping with sarcasm). But they are over now and I am off to find something fun and interesting to do until I have to be at Mo’s house at 5 for dinner.
So today is the big netball game, and I am sporting a terrible headache. Mo came over last night and tied up my dreads nice and tight. She did a great job and they look amazing but my head is throbbing. This is where I mention something about suffering for my art or some such nonsense.
The boys and I have been practicing for the game all day (did I mention it is a mixed men and women team). They wad up big pieces of paper and we try to shoot them into our trashcan. I was indeed the first one to actually make a shot. I gloated all over the place. These guys are like brothers to me and we relish in giving each other a hard time. They are defiantly one of the best parts of my job. I haven’t played basketball in ages but I know that the EPC staff is real excited that I am on the team. I am choosing to see it as a “relationship building experience”. I am sure it will be physically hard since I am still not in any kind of good shape, but I am looking forward to the game anyway. I just hope my head feels better soon.
I have made myself a promise that staring in April I will begin either biking to work and back (which would depend upon our Bikes finally coming in) or joining a paddling team. I am doing really well with walking and yoga. Now it’s time to add the serious cardio.
Hey wish me luck and the ability to not make a HUGE fool of myself this evening (or if I do, the ability to laugh at myself along with everyone else.)
Friday I left work at about 2:30 and took the bus out to Falelatai. Long Samoan bus rides to Kua are always interesting. The busses get really full and so if you are lucky enough to have a seat, you usually have the privilege of having another passenger sitting on your lap. The only exception to this is the very old. I was lucky (they cut Palagie a lot of slack) and had the most adorable fat drooly baby on my lap the whole way. Towards the end of the trip he was getting really stinky, but he slept and drooled most of the way so we was quiet and very cuddly most of the time.
I got to Siufaga about 5:30 and after a brief hello to my parents Lotu (the 8 year old sister) insisted we go right to swim in the ocean. I had forgotten how wonderfully peaceful and beautiful Siufaga is. Things are still awkward between my family and I because of the language barrier, but it gets better each time. This time I got to help make the pepe (coconut crème) by scraping the popo (coconut). And I got to sleep in the Fale Samoa with my family (instead of in the Fale Palagie by myself). I should go to Siufaga more.
Saturday I took the bus back in the afternoon and made it back to Apia in time to have a nap before the evening’s festivities.
Later I got prettied up and Ema “Sassy pants” and I checked out the new Chinese restaurant and had a few expensive cocktails at the one place in town that you can find a real cosmopolitan. The cosmo’s have become my “I just got paid” once a month splurge. They are expensive but since I rarely spoil myself. After dinner and some drinks we met up with a few other guys who were in town from Kua. They ended up staying at my house in Viavase-Uta and Sunday Ema and I (well Ema really) made a nice big breakfast and drank pots of coffee all morning. (And yes I had a hurty tummy later Mo!)
In the afternoon I hung out with Carrie and watched the Academy awards. I miss that girl. After the show we went over to the PC party at Aarons and I got to see most of the other volunteers I love.
So a fun weekend over all but heading into a busy busy week I am not feeling as rested as I want to. Tonight Mo and I are doing some maintenance on my dreads. Tomorrow is the big Net ball game. Wednesday evening our friend Fono is singing and Mo and I are going to go see him sing. And I think Thursday Michaela and I have a date to go see “The Godfather, Part I” which is playing at the local movie theater. So obviously no rest for the wicked.
I wish I had something more interesting than the weekend report, but there you have it.