Wackyfish

Oh blah dee, oh blah da

This morning I deviated from my usual morning routine of coffee with my Aunties. It is a routine I love, but once in a while it is nice to do something else. So instead I went over to the bakery and ordered a good breakfast. I sat by the window and looked out at the harbor and the busy morning traffic on Beach Road. Most of the yachts have gone for the season and several large cargo ships have taken up residence in the harbor. Many of them are likely bringing retail goods for the holidays. The wind blew in off the water and the Coconut trees near the Government build danced back and forth. The tide was low and the sandbar on the reef was visible on the horizon. The sun was well into it’s journey through the sky and everything looked bright and alive.
I was pleasantly surprised by the number of people I knew who went by the tinted window I hid behind. This has become my “hood”. It is the place where everyone knows me and I know everyone else. It is a very comforting feeling.

Eight days a week is not enough...

Life as of late has been… well nothing short of amazing.
So many goals, events, incidents, issues, and all of their corresponding emotions in such a short time is leaving me, in a place I can’t describe. I need to get a few things down, journal style if for no other reason than so I can remember them (and write about them) later.
I spent the week in a panic trying to plan two days of big events, all the while battling a migraine (I think it was stress related).
Mo (my closest friend here) left for the states, possibly for good on Wednesday.
Thursday I spend super busy at work and prepping for Friday and Saturday all the while being sad and lonely and thinking about how much I missed my family. I did get to see a football game (on tape) that my mom sent me tho, and that was nice.
Friday- The big conference. It went better than expected, despite the HUGE surprises and obstacles that we didn’t plan for. In the VAC election I got voted President for next year, and everyone called me “Madam President” for the rest of the weekend…, which I have to say I kind of, ate it up. Even tho I turned it into a joke and made a total clown of myself about it all weekend. I ended up going out the favorite dive Friday night and only lasting a few hours before I finally had to go home and fall in the general direction of my bed..
Saturday I got up at 6 to get a turkey in my oven. Only discover that I had lent my roasting pan out and had nothing to cook the defrosted turkey in my kitchen sink on. So at 7am I took a cab over to the nearest store and tried to get a foil roasting pan.. the store was out… I begged them into giving me a used one they were selling meat pies out of. I got the pan home cleaned it, rubbed my turkey down with my “secret blend of spices” and got it in the already pre-heated oven. 2 hours later (at about 9:30) the power went off in my village (my oven is electric). So after figuring out why I franticly called around to find someplace to cook my turkey for the next two hours. I got it in a taxi and took the half cooked turkey down to Andy’s house were it finished cooking. The thanksgiving celebration was a lot of fun… I had this very surreal moment were a trainee told me she looked up to me as her PC big sister and I was sent into a flash back of me telling another volunteer the same thing one year before… it was spookie surreal.
Saturday night was a big party night, and I didn’t make it out. Instead I stayed at home with Sita and we giggled and caught up and generally had a nice time. Tho I still feel real bad that I didn’t get out and spend time with all my friends, since everyone was in town. Sunday I got to hang out with some friends that are about to COS. It was joyous and sad all at the same time and I am constantly blown over by the vast amount of conflicting emotion I am able to experience at any one time. How Gemini is this.
Today I am just happy to be back at my routine. Happy to be planning a week of scheduled meeting, meals, and appointments. You know those things that are mundane but provide a bit of the comfort of familiarity.
Anyway, the next two weeks should be a lot slower paced and I hope to have some time to get back to some things I like to do but haven’t had time for lately, like gardening or reading (and maybe even some writing). I’ll let you know how that goes.

Some days you are the butcher, and some days you are the turkey.

I am having a sad, lonely, and homesick day.
Such is the life of an ex-pat.
I am however thankful to be in relatively good health, doing work I like, and to know that people far far away love me very much.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Feeling spoiled.

I am sooo loved. It’s weird when I think about it.
I just got an amazing package from T&T. I am thinking of it as Christmas come a month early, which is cool!
Among the things included were, four different kinds of salsa, a chocolate cake with frosting (in mix form), really good corn chips, and the latest DVD from T&T real travels. (I am special and get a sneak peak!)
It is so much love.

Speaking of holidays…
I always loved end of the year holidays. I know that is cute and kind of trite, but there it is. Starting with Halloween, I love the fall weather, dressing up, watching scary movies, eating too much candy, and well just about everything about Halloween. Then comes Thanksgiving and that means a day with my family, turkey, football, maybe a weekend trip to Sonoma with Karen (whom I haven’t though of in ages and now miss terribly). And then Christmas….
My Christmas’s were so full of ritual and tradition. I threw a party every year and got all of my creative friends to make ornaments for my tree. A tree, which my friend Liggy and I had “hunted” down the morning of the party. And then Christmas Eve with my extended family at Grandma’s house. Tamales, Pirate, and lots of people I love. Christmas day at my parents house. Ohhh I get homesick just thinking about it…
Missing out on the holidays last year was really a traumatic experience for me. You would think that someone as old as I am would be able to manage being away from home without being traumatized.
This year has been better. I missed fall a lot but Halloween was not a big deal. I am anticipating being too busy to notice it is Thanksgiving tomorrow. Though I’m sure it will get worse on Saturday when we have our PC Thanksgiving celebration. I expect the homesickness to get bad then. And at Christmas my best friend will be here for a visit and I anticipate we will probably spend the day in a beach fale someplace, enjoying tropical paradise. I can only imagine that day itself is going to be weird for me. But Weird is better than traumatic right?

Let me splain you somin Lucy…

I was feeling crappy and went home for a nap at lunch. Dig on this conversation I had when I got back.

Max: Welcome back, love. Did you rest well?
Dorie: I did ok in the rest department...
Dorie: I did great in the "Clair has cold mago and fala waiting for Dorie" dept!
Dorie: Do you know how good a nice cold mago is?
Dorie: let me say this.....
Dorie: it rivals....
Dorie: chocolate
Dorie: (you are so shocked you can't respond?)
Max: Oooh. I should transfer to that department. I'm getting tired of Computing.
Dorie: BAHAHAHAHA
Max: (Though that is indeed shocking. What would your mother say?)
Dorie: (My mother would think I have gone crazy.. that or aliens have inhabited my body...)
Max: (Have you? Or they?)
Dorie: ummmm not that I know of... but that could be the insanity or the aliens keeping secrets from me

Passing...

This morning I though of a charming little antic dote to write about.
Instead it turns out I am too sick to be charming.
Just like most things this too shall pass.
Until then however I am too sick (and therefore grumpy) to be writing here.
Hope everyone else is feeling better than I am.

In response to this question….

http://www.wackyfish.net/archives/000227.htm#comments

I live in up in a village in what is considered “The greater Apia area”. Really it is more of a suburb than a village. The whole village was built on the side of a mountain and coming into the village you go uphill and leaving you go downhill. It is small and there is only one way in and out of my village. Also the elevation means it is generally cooler and breezier (and more comfortable) at my house than it is in town. I don’t have an ocean view from my house (too much vegetation) but many people do.
The whole village consists of large “compound” lots with 2 to 5 homes on each. It is about as dense as a small town I would say.
I live in a two-story house on the compound owned by my host agency. Tho to say “two-story house” is mildly misleading. Essentially I live in a house on stilts and someone decided that instead of having an open area below the house they would pave part of it over for a car park and enclose another part for storage. The difference (between an actual two story house and what I have) is very apparent every time there is an earthquake.
My house has both a front and back entrance tho I can’t tell which is which. So I will call them what the Samoa words for them are, Tai and Uta. (Tai means seaward, Uta means inward, or inland) The uta door faces the entrance to the compound and the road. It has a small stair with a tiny balcony that I usually keep a few pots of basil and other herbs on. This door opens into my kitchen. My kitchen is small in comparison to kitchens at home, but rather large by Samoa standards for an indoor kitchen. It is long and thin but two people can work comfortably in it. At one end of my kitchen is a dining area with a large table. 8 people can easily fit around this table. The funny thing about this is that I only have 5 chairs (and technically one of them is for my desk). It makes dinner parties … interesting. I have a rather large living area and it is comfortable for hosting gatherings. The Tai porch is one of my favorite places in Samoa. I have several comfortable chairs set up out there. You can sit and look out in the direction of the ocean as the breeze blows in and cools things down. It is a covered porch so it is my favorite place to be when it is raining (as well as when it is not). The rain comes down around you and hits the aluminum roof, sometimes making a gentle rhythmic noise and sometimes a powerful, fierce chaotic noise.
Down the hall from the living room are the bathroom, two guest rooms and my room. They are not terribly exciting rooms. My room has not one but two closets which is the only thing I can tell that distinguishes it as the “Master Bedroom”. Oh and sometimes Pisa brings me gardenias for my bathroom and that whole side of my house smells like flower garden.

As far as critters go, I am pretty lucky. The ants that technically own my kitchen (I just barrow it now and then) and there are Geckos who are welcome. There is the occasional roach in the house, but my dog takes care of those pretty quick. She likes to leave them dead and in plain sight as little presents for me. I always give her a treat when she does. She is a good hunting dog. At the beginning of the rainy season we had a few centipedes. They were huge! About 8 inches long and at least ¾ of an inch wide. In fact I think Mia got bit by one just after she came home because she is pretty terrified of them now. Also before Mia I had seen the occasional mouse dropping… but that also hasn’t been an issue lately. The namu (mosquitoes) are pretty nasty but I have good screens on my doors and windows and I can light mosquito coils to try and keep them away when I am outside. Oh also.. I have seen some spiders. Big spiders, they are somewhere in between the size of a golf ball and a tennis ball. At first they freaked me out but they are pretty harmless so I just let them be.

Ok I hope that this is enough for now.

Tangerine trees and marmalade sky

I did get a writing request and it was a good one. I promise to work on it soon. In the meantime however I am going to take this opportunity to say nice things about other people.

I was fortunate enough to have not one but two great trainees stay with me for volunteer visits. I started out with one. Sky is a bright, easy going, fun girl who has a great open minded attitude and will do great here. We have a lot in common and had a great time. Then in the middle of the visit I got a call asking if another trainee, Paul could join us. Of course he could join us… the more the merrier! Paul is a mature and dignified gentleman with hilarious and riveting stories to tell about his times living all over the world. He was great company, and I’m sure he will be a big asset to wherever he ends up, here in Samoa.

Tuesday afternoon we met up with a few other volunteers and trainees and went to Piula for a picnic and a swim and had a great time. Then later that night we gathered at my house for a HUGE Italian dinner and a slumber party. It sort of reminded me of those times in college when you met all the new people who moved into your dorms and spent nights up late talking. Which was nice because those college days were a long long time ago for me.

Anyway all the excitement has me excited about the upcoming year. I have to say I am pretty happy with my new role as a more experienced volunteer. One whom trainees look to for assistance. And I look forward to next year when they move from there place as newbee’s to were I am now, as I transition to a new place of my own. Something about watching myself and others walk a path… excites me. Seeing were I was, and others were and were we are going to be is just… fun. Maybe it makes me feel more full aware of myself and the things around me. Like I really lived this life that I have chosen instead of just stumbling through it without taking note.
Or maybe I just get bored easy and change is exciting.
Does it matter why? I am excited.

Me..Live...Tropical...Island

Today we are headed to the Cave Pools in Piula. I was just there with my aunt and Uncle and while there I decided I needed to go back more often. So now I have a trainee (or two) to host and for our “Something fun” we are going back out there.
I hope you have as much fun today as I am going to.

Ennui is not a verb

I am still among the living, I promise.
I am suffering from some combination of overwhelmed and under inspired.
The overwhelmed part comes from many fun and exciting things happening in my life. For instance a favorite Aunt and Uncle were just here for a short visit, I am hosting a PC trainee for volunteer visits, planning a big conference and thanksgiving celebrations for the volunteers, and trying to catch up with the mountains of things pilled at work. The uninspired part is that none of this really makes for very interesting writing and it bores even me. None the less I am going to make an attempt at being at least mildly interesting. Bear with me.

Tuesday I got up earlier than usual, which was good since it turned out to be a much busier day than usual. There were last minute preparations for the visit to be made, things to wrap up at work so I could be gone for a bit, and a ton of other mundane normal stuff to do. So by 10 pm I was having a real hard time keeping my eyes open. However since I had to be at the airport to pick up my Aunt and Uncle at 2:30 am I figured I just wouldn’t sleep. This was a poorly conceived plan. I fell asleep anyway.
I was woken at about 3:30 am by a phone call from my aunt who was waiting at the airport. I was mortified I had slept through their arrival and high tailed it to the airport.
It was not exactly how I wanted to start off our visit.
But eventually I got there and we had a great visits. It included a drive around my island, a night in fales at Lalomanu (IMO the most beautiful beach on earth), a trip to the cave pools, and lots of laughter and love.

I spent the better part of this weekend doing… Nothing. Yup I did nothing, and loved it. I did manage to get a load of laundry in and my kitchen cleaned between my busy schedules of doing nothing. And then Mika came over and we did nothing together. Which is always nice. Sunday Sky showed up at my house and my three days of trainee visit hosing began. She is neat and we are having a lot of fun. Though currently she is reading a book in my office, so I can’t imagine it is terribly exciting for her. She says hi (or rather like a good trainee… Malo).

Ok so in my state of writer’s ennui (I love that word!) I am taking requests for writing assignments. The more specific your request the more likely I am to actually write about what you ask me to. I reserve the right to interpret requests as I see fit, but I will try not to ignore any request.

In Lue of...

Instead of posting something of substance (which I haven’t done in a while anyway) I give you an adorable picture of my dog sleeping… upside down… like the adorable freak she is.

Fa Sa

I have taken to wearing “real shoes” (shoes that are not sandals of some sort) again. I have to say, I hate it. Just one more example of how far native I have gone. Speaking of which I had a very interesting conversation with Sam. Sam is our safety officer at EPC. He is a native born Samoan who lived overseas for the past 30 years and this past January returned with his family to live and work here. He reminded me of a conversation we had just after he arrived. We were both trying to adjust to the culture and found an ally in each other in which we could vent our frustrations. One particular conversation early on was about the frustration of the ambiguity of the meaning of rising of the eyebrows. It is a gesture that we now use liberally and appreciate the ambiguity of… We had a good laugh at ourselves.

Yesterday was a holiday here. Arbor day. We had the day off of work so Mo and I hosted a “Godfather” trilogy marathon and Italian food fest at my house. We barrowed a projector and converted my living room into a mini movie theater. I dig those movies.

And speaking of work… I had to work most of today and it looks like I will be working tomorrow as well. Which is mildly shocking. It is kind of “fa sa” (forbidden, or things you should not do) to work on Sundays here. So I am glad for the day of sloth yesterday. Tho I really need to get motivated and clean my house better. I have guests from the States arriving in less than 5 days.

“Like butter over too much bread”

I woke up to the sound of rain falling steadily outside. I was on my couch and the TV was on. It was late and I must have dozed off while watching a movie. I wondered how long it had been raining. Then I remember I had clothes on the line outside. Doh! I have got to get some help with my domestic life. All of the houses on my compound were built with families in mind. Which means that they are relatively large. Too large for a single person and dog anyway. So I have a lot of visitors. Which is nice. But it is still a lot of house to clean and keep up with. With as busy as I have been lately and as gimpy as I have become, housecleaning is usually the last thing I want to or can do. I have to get some help.

And I need to cut back.
I can feel my ADD creeping back into full force. This is common when I get to busy. My ability to focus on anything is diminished because there is just too much going on. It is like my brain processing center has so much input that it just can’t tell me what to do next. I end up operating in “Super ditsy Dorie” mode.

All of this … “you need to do this” and “you need to do that Dorie” doesn’t help much either. I can talk at myself until we are both blue in the face. But ultimately I will make choice to do what is right for me or… I won’t. When I don’t it usually means I have something to deal with or something to learn. I think it is good that I recognize what is going on. Even tho I feel powerless in a third party sort of way. When in truth the topic at hand is… ME.

We can work it out... "Or can we?"

I am in a very optimistic phase right now. A lot has to do with the book I am reading. Madeline Albright was a member of the UN security counsel at the time when many Eastern European countries were beginning to peek out from behind the iron curtain and begin the journey towards democracy. The beginning of the Clinton era was a time of hope and idealism. They were going to change the world for the better. Before the failed Health care bill, before Watergate, before the opposition geared up to fight a constantly dirty fight. It is a time that has often been compared to the “Camelot” era of president Kennedy. It makes me very euphoric to read about. It gives me the sense of something I may like to pursue. Diplomacy and politics sounds very exciting and something I am learning to navigate.
And then… I remember that I am just not cut out for politics… or diplomacy for that matter. I navigated a hot Volunteer issue the other day at the VAC meeting that left me feeling defeated and upset. Despite the fact that the decision reached was the one conclusion I preferred. The process of moderating a discussion between two opposing opinions and then putting it to a vote were there would be a clear winning policy and a clear losing policy was… uneasy for me while in a room full of people I considered my friends. But ultimately a decision HAD to be reached and only one side could win. I couldn’t help but feel that the losing option had just been given the shaft. Even tho I didn’t personally agree and their concerns and opinions had been expressed, considered, and accounted for. It was very much a lesson in you can’t please everyone all the time and sometimes there just isn’t a compromise, the majority must decide. Anyway, it left me with a dirty feeling and the knowledge that politics can be even dirtier makes me think that there is just NO way I am cut out for it. I am far too idealistic and to too easily crushed by ambitious power.
But I like reading about the idealistic times… It gives me hope in a fairy tale sort of way. And maybe that is enough for now.

Come together right now

In light of my inability to write things in a fun or interesting manor right now I am going to make a list of what happened since Friday.

Friday
- We (a bunch of Smarty Mc knows-a-lots) went to “Quiz” night at the Yacht club. After ordering dinner we tried to register as a team but we were told that the fee was 50 tala to play. Instead we sat out side and answered all the questions correctly through the door. Good thing they didn’t let us play, we would have cleaned up the prize table.

Saturday
- Breakfast with Blaine at the Bakery before the worlds Longest VAC meeting ever. Have I mentioned that I hate meeting. Mostly on principle. Also because getting people to agree is… Hard.
- Trip to the Marketi and Lucky food town.
- Peace Corps Halloween Party. I made my own black pointy hat and wore it with my little black dress and a broom I barrowed from my neighbor. It was a fun night.

Sunday
- The writers group met for the last time at Mina and Peta’s house. The attendance was amazing. Several new writers joined us. There was poetry, fiction, reflection, and even some crazy discussion on eugenics.
- We went and saw “The Terminal” with Tom hanks at the movie theater. It was cute.

So it was a fun weekend. I had a house full of people who were considerate and kind and generous of course. I have to say my PC friends are really amazing people. I had a lot of fun and plenty of down time to read and rest (I am engrossed in the autobiography of Madeline Albright and I can’t put it down). But I am glad to be back in my office.